Knock knock!
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub I'm dwowning!
Do you know any good jokes? I don't. hehe
Please leave your jokes in the comments. I'm running out of material!
Posted by elsie at July 7, 2005 10:43 AMYoung Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
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Old Man Marries a Young Woman
After marrying a young woman, a 90-year-old man told his doctor that they were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," said the doctor. "An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he brought an umbrella. Suddenly a bear charged at him. Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot."
"Impossible!" the geezer exclaimed. "Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"Exactly," replied the doctor.
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"I have made good judgements in the past. I have made good judgements in the future". George W. Bush
# "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." ...George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93
# "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." GW Bush, 9/15/95
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A vacuum cleaner salesman insisted on showing me the latest model even though I told him I had no money.
He produced a bag of manure and stomped it into the carpet. Seeing my look of horror he said 'Don't worry. I'll eat the manure if this machine doesn't leave your carpet cleaner than before I arrived."
'Do you want ketchup with it?' I asked.
'Why?' said the salesman.
'Because I had my electricity cut off yesterday,' I replied.
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Q. How do men take bubble baths?
A. They eat a lot of beans.
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A man walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a 25-cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.
A middle-aged, fairly unremarkable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but just barely) the man carefully takes hold of the kid's testicles and squeezes gently but firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the 25-cent piece, which the man catches in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him. The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father's thanks. As the man is about to leave, the father asks one last question: "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before -it was fantastic - what are you, a surgeon or something like that?"
"Oh, good heavens, no", the man replies, "I work for the IRS."
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that should hold you over for a while
Posted by: bassel at July 7, 2005 08:58 PMA little boy walks into his parent's room to see his mom on top of his Dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts.
Worried about what her son has seen, she dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?" The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"Your wasting your time." say's the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled?
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it back up again."
Posted by: just one more at July 7, 2005 09:16 PMIt's a known fact that girls require money and time.
-> Girls = time*money
money is th root of all evil
-> money = sqrt(evil)
and time is money
-> time = money
now substitue time with money
-> girls = money*money
substitute money with sqrt(evil)
-> girls = sqrt(evil^2)
so as you can plainly see by simple algebra
girls = evil
in other work girls are evil
Ah, yes! I've seen that proof before.
Posted by: elsie at July 8, 2005 11:58 AM