All hope abandon ye who enter here

My Odyssey

Odyssey - A long series of wanderings to and fro; a long adventurous journey.

This is my life. My apartment is my fortress. This blog is my platform for oration.

What are we here for? I hope to learn and grow and help people. Is that too much to ask for?

There's no place like Elsie's Domain.

Very Nice

My day was not great. I worked this morning, helping to clean up the room next to our office where we keep the servers. I worked with the two other student employees. They were not very cooperative, however.

One of my tasks today was to take out an old broken chair along with some other garbage to the trash compactor. No one would help me, so I did it alone. When I got to the trash compactor, I saw a bunch of chairs next to it. I wasn't sure if I should stuff the chair in the compactor, or leave it out with the others.

I asked the man who was standing near the compactor, smoking a cigarette, if he thought I should leave the chair out. He told me, in so many words, that he did not speak Engish very well. We talked while I emptied out the garbage barrel.

He is a student from South Korea, here at Umass to do research. I asked him if he liked it here. He said that he missed his country and his family. Things are very different here, different customs, different food. I told him a little about myself. I am an undergraduate computer science student. I grew up around here.

Before I left, I told him that it was nice talking to him and that I had to get back to work. He asked me my name, and I asked him his. I think his name is pronounce Candoo, but he said it very quickly. I sad "Candoo, like I 'can do' it." He said "you can call me that," so I guess I did not pronounce it quite right.

He asked me if I would help him with his English, maybe just practice conversation with him. He had studied English in school, but needed practice speaking it. I gave him my email address, somewhat reluctantly. I would love to help him, but I do not trust people in general. When I finally left he said "you are very nice."

Hi! Elizabeth

Do you know how kind and beautiful you are? Maybe you have many friends who like you.

I came from South Korea 4 months ago as a visiting scholar. My major is polymer science. I will go back to my country next February. One year is a short time for me to be used to American cultures and language. So, I try to speak English as well as I can do.

How is your work? I guess the computer science is very interesting. I can use some softwares related to making graph and calculating but cannot make any. Actually, I didn't get good mark in the subjects related to computer when I was a college student. I really respect anyone who specializes in computer.

Nice meet to you. I hope we sometimes join each other to talk over. Have a nice weekend, even though bad weather is expected.

keundeuk

Reflection

I just read the story of Narcissus, a beautiful youth in Greek mythology who pines away for love of his own reflection and is then turned into the narcissus flower. I've been reading so much, but not enough. I have not been keeping up with the assigned readings for my class.

I think about my life. I grew up in a strict catholic house. It's no wonder I am so confused. I'm not a believer. I don't practice religion. But, I do subconsciously. I have so many beliefs that are a part of me. That's why I always enjoy learning about different cultures and beliefs. It helps me to put together what are the right beliefs for me. How can I be a better person, to myself and others. How can I make decisions without some moral guidance? Yeah, it's people like me who end up in cults.

It's scary. The more I think about it. I am not living the life that I had dreamed of. I think the loss of my religion brought about some disillusionment. You spend your life reading these stories and trying to be good for god and praying for your soul and asking for forgiveness and then, you realize that they are just stories. And you can't make yourself believe them no matter how much you want to.

Why do I do the things that I do? I don't know. Am I the person I want to be? Who can I turn to? I believe that you don't get the answers while you are alive. But then again, that's the catholic me talking. I think that no matter how you live your life, you will not know what is important. I think about these things. Especially when I think of having money or being successful, because these things are fleeting and do not make life fulfilling or worthwhile.

My children are a blessing to me(there I go again, sounding religious). I am sad, because my freindships do not last. But, I am thankful for what I have. It seems like I let people down. And I'm sorry.

Blogging is Hard

Many times throughout the day, I think of interesting topics for blogging. But, when I sit here in front of my laptop the ideas blend into each other and become elusive.

I will just blog a little bit about my class. I am taking History 100, Western Thought. The professor's name is Dinah. She is smart and nice and seems truly interested in the subject she teaches. I like that. We just finished studying Ancient Civilizations and next week begins our discussions on Western Civilizations.

This class is a nice change of pace from the many Computer Science and Math classes I am required to take. I am reading epics and plays, instead of algorithms and code. Next summer session, I'll be taking Physics II.

A Long Day

Today started out good. There is a free coffee maker in our break room at work. It is a trial for Green Mountain Coffee. What a terrific machine! All week the coffee is free. Needless to say, I was completely wired today. But now, it's Friday evening. My kids are running around the apartment. I feel a little sad.

Radio Netscape has the coolest Madonna station. I heard a song from the album Bedtime Stories that I haven't heard in a while. It is a little sad, so it fits my mood this evening. Here is a sample of the lyrics...

Love Tried to Welcome Me

Words and Music by Madonna and Dave Hall

I am Tank

Check it out...

You are Tank, from "The Matrix." Loyal
till the end, you spare no expense in ensuring
the well-being of others.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
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My Son

For Matthew

You're my little boy
Growing up so very fast
You give me kisses

You're my little man
Each day you grow a little
I'm so proud of you

Meaningless existance

Mediocre grades. A low-paying job. A means to an end.